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friend hell

by Friend Hell

supported by
haemophilu
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haemophilu I like the sounds, the grungy vocals and the feels. Favorite track: No Subjective.
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1.
The Fallout 01:12
2.
I feel like none of you would call me if I was something else If I changed my name You wouldn't call me by it when you check if I'm okay In other words, to check if I'm the same I saw how you treated my sister You never apologized to her You never tried to make it better So I don't have to forgive you ever In other words, I need time and someone besides you I don't care if you care now when things are hard It hasn't been a week since I was discharged From the hospital, an attempted suicide Don't get offended if I don't reply Where were you the first time I said I might die? Holding yourself higher than ever with pride Where were you the first time I said I might die? Where were you the first time I said I might die?
3.
There's no subjective here It's just listening to my friends I like to act like I can stand up for myself But I'll give in to your demands It's pathetic, but I'd like to stay friends There's no subjective here, it's just what you say and that's the truth Assuming all this shit about me, why don't I assume? I assume you're controlling me I assume you're hiding things I assume you're projecting hard as fuck onto me Since when did being friends become so one sided? You think the second time is bad? Well, there's a lot behind it I'll fuck up again, eventually, eventually It's a matter of how easily you're gonna leave, cause There's no subjective here It's just listening to my friends I like to act like I can stand up for myself But I'll give in to your demands It's pathetic, but I'd like to stay friends
4.
Making Sides 02:22
When do you get a say? Where do you want to stay? What did you say today while you were staying for the day? Can you say this for me? This will be the perfect blow I don't want to be your soldier I don't wanna know If we all just let it go Anywhere we go would be our home Everything's impersonal Everybody wants revenge Forgiving lasts an hour before it's something someone said again Can we just duke it out? Can we just start a fight Without a lawsuit looming over our heads? If we all stopped making sides We could be living alright
5.
2000 Miles 01:50
Cans, wrappers and boxes All stacked up on my desk They're taking up so much space Why don't I clean them I'd send you a picture, cause it's kind of humorous But I don't want to blend in with the mess Can you forgive me, I always want to be 2,000 miles away from you Can you forgive me, I always want to be 2,000 miles away from you I'm too scared to leave my house I need sugar in large amounts I don't care about the cost anymore The weeks are what I count I'd send you a picture, cause it's kind of humorous But I don't think you'd look at me again Can you forgive me, I always want to be 2,000 miles away from you Can you forgive me, I always want to be 2,000 miles away from you
6.
A E C#m E Sit down again Same spot, same mess Open the drawer Where I keep my new meds A E B I am going to fail A E C#m E Movies with friends Can't comprehend Can't remember anything said A E B I really need to drill into my head A E B I wanna see shit that's not there My dad calls this medicine If it isn't, I don't care I do this to disconnect E From reality F#m E When I run out, I just take more When I run out, I just take more When I run out, I just take B More and more and more and more F#m E Numbed to death Developed a dependence And when things are in front of me I need B More and more and more and more and E More
7.
Heart Attack 01:38
I wanna have a heart attack So you feel bad when I collapse My bones were dismantled and analyzed to a fault So what if I'm not fucking perfect I've been working hard to find the compromised version Version of myself, forgetting everything else For you motherfuckers, and I have become so numb I wanna have a heart attack So you feel bad when I collapse My bones were dismantled without my permission My bones were dismantled cause somebody was fishing My bones were dismantled and shared with all of my friends It's not a complex matter But you pretend that it matters Now I think you have some kind of complex Our talk was a disaster I feel like I'm gonna have a heart attack If I do, I want you to feel bad My bones were dismantled without my permission My bones were dismantled cause somebody was fishing My bones were dismantled and shared with all of my friends
8.
Cut your hair Refill your teeth Cut your hair Refill your teeth Everybody's looking down at their feet There's a weight in their skull, dragging their head down to their knees And into the TV, where all of them are screaming And they're saying "Oh, I don't know How it got this bad, how I'll get below I wanna scream I wanna scream I wanna scream" Cut your hair Refill your teeth Cut your hair Refill your teeth
9.
Scape Goat 01:52
G Em C D G C Am D7 I'm sick of trying to impress my friends Be perfect for them, impress them like they're strangers I've felt the distance, and it's so cold And strong, and invisible G C Am D7 I know you like to point and laugh I've become the scape goat, I've become the punching bag Apparently I'm the one who makes mistakes Nobody else is like me, or at least nobody looks their way G Em C D G There's no going back, what's done is done You stress me out to no end, I'm glad it's over Fuck you for ruining my trust I'll sleep on it, wake up, I'll still be mad as fuck G C Am D7 I'm sick of trying to impress my friends Be perfect for them, impress them like they're strangers I've felt the distance, and it's so cold And strong, and invisible G C Am D7 I know you like to point and laugh I've become the scape goat, I've become the punching bag Apparently I'm the one who makes mistakes Nobody else is like me, or at least nobody looks their way
10.
In My Bubble 02:00
Capo 2 C Dm F C I can only survive in my bubble Ignoring your advice it became subtle In my bubble C Am Dm F In my bubble I am curled up, I have hurled up blood In my bubble I have become, I have become numb Am C And dirt and grime G And everything a little piece of odor in my smile C Am Dm F In my bubble I am passive, I'm a massive wall In my bubble, I am awfully tired of the things I saw Am C On the TV G And everything a little piece of phlegm inside the screen C Dm F C I can only survive in my bubble My everything is wrapped up in a layer of struggle Am F C And I will isolate again
11.
I want to swallow all these pills I haven't taken Oh The end of a life that I have led to be mistaken For a rotting pile of garbage, oh Please believe me when I'm lying Please keep believing when I don't I'm trying to be the best that I can be, and I'm not helping I didn't know this boat had so much holes I have been reduced to a terrible conception Of who I am, what I stand for, what I do I want to make a big show of my suicide And nobody will believe when me when I'm blue So please believe me when I'm lying Please keep believing when I don't I'm trying to be the best that I can be, and you're not helping I didn't know this boat had so much holes
12.
G Gsus4 D7 Em9 Call you on the phone just to let you know Cm G I am trying G B G B I need to call up my doctor to let him know Cm G I am dying F#m E A Cause I'm terrified that this will be the end Cm G Cause I'm terrified that this will be the end F#m E A F#m D E A D Bm A And it's such a big life D Bm E You get to share it with your friends G B Am F3 But when all of them are miles away, or gone after you've said Cm G One sentence F#m E A F#m I'm in charge of reality again D E A F#m Don't give me this power God, for I'm incompetent F#m E A Cause I'm terrified that this will be the end Cm G Cause I'm terrified that this will be the end G Gsus4 D7 Em9 And so I called you on the phone just to let you know Cm G I am trying G B G B I need to call up my doctor to let him know Cm G I am dying
13.
It's over, it's over, was the only thing I could say Screams of fear of everything were the only sounds I could make They're gonna keep me awake They're gonna get the IV Do I want to be saved Or just end it screaming Today feels like a dream It doesn't feel real I might wake up when I blink From the hospital room to my dorm I'll be back where I was just several minutes before I'm sorry, I'm sorry, was the last thing I wanted to say To the unanswered question of why I live this way I don't know many pills I took, but I left it up to fate If I live or die I punched the wall till my hands bled I feel so childish and stupid It's all led up to this moment I was frozen for a month after I fried my brain with drugs Now they want my name, oh god Don't write it on my grave
14.
Men, women, staff only Man, woman, decline to answer Sarcastic signs A man, woman, alien Man, woman, alien Applying for a job, "do you have a preferred name?" If I want to work I'll leave that for another day Unspoken rules avoiding normalizing anything It's pride month, buy our products, but leave pride out of your resume I'm so ignored I'm so unseen When I show my face via human beings They want no more Things get obscene I'm pushed farther back into my fading history The book's burning The boycotting Did we ever leave high school mentality Men, women, staff only Man, woman, decline to answer Sarcastic signs A man, woman, alien Man, woman, alien
15.
You know that I love you You know that I'd kiss you I wish we had meetings I'd be able to miss you But we can't have a special night No matter how much times we try I thought of dinner over internet Microwave food and candles lit Paper plates and lights turned dim Try to add a colored tint But cameras hide romantic light And screens desaturate your eyes So I can't be the light at the end of the tunnel Love yourself, love someone else But I can't be the end goal I'll love you forever, but by the time that we're together Everything will might have changed And some things might be out of place I thought of movies over internet Microwave popcorn against our chest And diet pepsi soda cans Like the theater in intent But we can't leave while suns go down Echo laughs and windy sounds I thought of touch over internet It sounds great, but it's pretend So I just sit here in my bed And DIY the feeling, it's Hard when you're not next to me Hard when you're just texting me And even when I see your face It's hard to feel direct with me So I can't be the light at the end of the tunnel Love yourself, love someone else But I can't be the end goal I'll love you forever, but by the time that we're together Everything will might have changed And some things might be out of place
16.
Wake Up 01:26
C F C C Am C I can tell I'm awake When I'm missing something I had before For 2 to 10 hours, a little vacation Wake up and get dressed and take medication C F C C Am C I can tell I'm awake When I'm head first back into depression Like I've been upside down for weeks Wake up start over slow recovery G F C Everything tells me to try this And I got addicted to weed And I got addicted to strangers I get addicted to C F C C Am C Anything nice so don't give me nice things Don't give me shelter I haven't done a thing It's been four weeks since I've been productive Giving me a chance is being reductive
17.
Any moment I could've seizured I'm making jokes, I shouldn't be here There are a million universes where I died In the back of that van, rotting corpses And now I'm almost among them Is this what you wanted? To see them cry? Is this what you wanted? For them to watch you die Are you being honest when you say you're glad that you're alive? This isn't the moment You fantasized It's not some reset, it's not some artist death It gets attention, but not the attention that you should get Now people are blaming each other, when it's the work of all the years Do you feel good, watching a man who never cries shed tears? Is this what you wanted? To see them cry? Is this what you wanted? For them to watch you die Are you being honest when you say you're glad that you're alive? This isn't the moment You fantasized
18.
My shadow melts into my nails My face watches walls, and it gets pale My head shakes With every hair that lands on its face How long until I shave? I should've walked back against the chalk I should've walked back against the chalk My hand itches for impulsions My nightmares are escaping my conscience My height shrinks My eyes don't blink today My feet don't walk My body sinks like a weight I should've walked back against the chalk I should've walked back against the chalk

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released May 13, 2023

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Friend Hell West Virginia

unprofessional pop punk folk rock nonsense
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