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Made With Hate

by Friend Hell

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Sydney
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Sydney Some startlingly tactical guitar work on this release. Its atmosphere is comfortable and melodic, featuring guitars and Ukes(?) harmonizing with a punchy drum machine. This harmony is ironically bedrocked by tense lyrical comments on body image anxieties, tense personal relationships… brief snapshots of overwhelmingly difficult scenarios. Although short, there’s a great deal of diversity from track-to-track, making this a memorable and rewarding listen. Favorite track: Gaslighting.
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1.
Double Dream 01:17
[This song is an excerpt from an old scrapped song I wrote, heavily distorted] I see the faces implanted in my brain When I lay in bed and I go to sleep And they hate me, yeah, they are hating me I lrun away and I go to sleep I have a double dream and in my double dream I have a nightmare I am seeing things I don't like It doesn't matter deep I go and or try to dig
2.
Phone Call 02:01
[This is a song about me faking being friendly with my homophobic grandmother from my dad's side of my family. It later tells of when I came out to my dad in a therapy session about being trans and his reaction.] The second you hung up I dropped the act And I'm talking about you behind your back Cause you deserve it The way you'd change your words is Disgusting and I learned this because The first time Granddaughter wasn't your way You were horrible that day And I don't trust that you'd still love me The second that I told you about what I had You told me I'd always be a man And you deserve this You're the one who hurt this If you want me you'll earn it Because the first time your son wasn't your way You were horrible that day And I don't trust that you even love me at all
3.
Gaslighting 03:32
[This song is someone talking to me] Oh my god stop pulling that card you're too smart Watch your tone Low voice All the time Your choice Is the choice We choose Coming out and out of you Watch your tone Attitude Gotta be an attitude Change in pitch and mouth movement That's gotta be an attitude I don't care what you said I don't like how you said it I know if you had the choice you would reset it but You did it on purpose And you're out of control Even if you're nervous You should have total control Of those words coming out And your fight or flight response Doesn't dictate how we want you to respond Who cares if I'm wrong I've been around longer Your rightness doesn't make me any more wronger You're definitely gaslighting me I see it in your eyes Maybe not at the surface But there's probably some lies Deep in your center I'm gonna burn it out of you Drill into your core I'm gonna find out the truth I have sworn I'm gonna find out So I'll shout and shout and shout and shout Did you just call me stupid I heard it in your words I put some syllables together From separate strings of verbs And then I sorted them however I really wanted to After putting them in your alphabet soup And I saw you look away from me for seconds so today I'll be the CSI and FBI and chief of my own police team And I will catch you in the act of something unrelated and connect it over years and say you do this every day and then I'll figure out your secret and I will say I won Your rightness doesn't make me any less wrong I swear to god I'm winning I just need to find the proof Didn't find it but I found out how you could use an excuse I've been digging and I'm focused on finding every clue I could stack up in a pile and push on you I wanna bury you in facts Wanna save my ass From looking less smart And looking like crap
4.
Friend Mall 02:52
[This song is about an old best friend of mine, a trip to the mall I had with them, and the fall of that friendship. She's actually the biggest reason I named this project Friend Hell.] We're going to the mall Just you and me, I told my father We were going to the mall, nothing suspicious at all He didn't expect it to be A night where I could just be me And if he knew why I was happy Then well, he wouldn't be Ah Thinking of things to get And for the first time I'm really met With something I can look forward to expecting Thinking of things to get I can finally get a grip of these soft clothes I can finally hold them I'm really looking around The back of my head is hardly open I think I've really found My best friend I can put my hope in You are the best thing in my life right now Please don't go I can't have you out We cuddled on the couch I wished the clock would never count Up to 10:30 You did me dirty When you ghosted me after all we'd been And I didn't have any other friends And you left me at the peak of my depression With all odds against I'm fucking freaking out I'm kicking, screaming now I call your name, but you wouldn't respond Even if you could hear me kill my lungs I know that I messed up I know that I'm the worst I know I ruined everything And made it worse
5.
I just want you to change Is that so much to ask? The only change I've seen in you lately Is you got less fat How about you try a diet Where you restrict and don't apply this point of view I'm sure it'd help you You don't even know the simple things about You never knew that I hate the name you call me And when you figured it out I had my doubts But telling you was not right to do And I can see you have no clue On how to deal with the truth Spent the whole summer at your house And I spent every second on the couch In a room that's secluded from all of the stupid Nonsense you're constantly spewing You should just shut up That's my running advice to you from now on I wish I could cuss you out every day And every word inflicts emotional pain But I know that you only feel proud Of yourself and all the things you spout You're prouder of losing like 10 pounds Then you are of every single child You have ever had and ever will until a clone pops out You should just stop having kids If you won't even like them At all
6.
Pretender 01:48
I know what you're here to do I've met you before You are here to butt heads with Everything my confidence stands for And you're taking up like of my screen You're making me feel like shit And you haven't done a thing I can tell from this preview That I'll never be like you Never be like you I can see you on the billboards I can smell you in the perfume I will never be you in the commercials I will always be a pretender I can feel you in the sweater I can hear you in the adverts I will never be you in the commercials I will always be a pretender
7.
Erase the nose Erase the eyes Erase the hips and erase the thighs Erase this life Erase your lie You lie to yourself on paper all the time Make a self portrait, fuck it up Add the shit that you don't want Make a self portrait, do a bad job Do it on purpose, so it looks good Don't you feel great? That's exactly what you are Captured on an introductory card Say hello, but don't be yourself If that's you, who am I? What is everything else? Make a self portrait, fuck it up Add the shit that you don't want Make a self portrait, do a bad job Do it on purpose, so it looks good
8.
Really wish I had the self control To starve myself to fit inside my old clothes I shouldn't have stayed up till 2 am Cause now I feel like shit and gotta wake up at 7:00 Looking at pictures of when I was a freshman Can't believe I was so skinny back then Shouldn't have stayed up till 3 am Cause I'll do it again I'll do it again I shouldn't have stayed up so late I shouldn't have stayed up today I know, I know That everything is gonna come back I know, I know If I let it slip through the cracks
9.
improv 00:40

credits

released January 4, 2021

cover art by twitter.com/Riptyde164

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Friend Hell West Virginia

unprofessional pop punk folk rock nonsense
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